have you ever watched the sunrise?
the way that the night slowly fades
and the morning billows in
softly
gently
then boldly?
The cycles of day and night fascinate me. Especially as someone who has the pleasure of waking up in the early morning when all is quiet and the dark is heavy but hopeful. The morning darkness has become a safe space for me that I wouldn’t trade for anything. But, the dark never stays put. As much as I enjoy the time before the sunrise, each day presents the opportunity to embrace the evolution of light as well.
“I think of beauty as an absolute necessity. I don't think it's a privilege or an indulgence, it's not even a quest.” Toni Morrison
And just as the night evolves, people do too. One thing that I have found difficult as I age is to surround myself with people who are ever-curious to find out who I am now. (This is easier said than done. It seems that the lean of human nature is towards becoming comfortable with our perceptions.) The man that I am becoming. In my friendships and familial relationships that have lasted decades, I try to ask lots of questions because curiosity helps me to stay engaged with who my loved ones are becoming. I don’t presume that the person I knew twenty years ago, ten years ago, or even last week is the same. Everyone has the right to expand, to change their mind, and to start a new journey. I want to love people as they are, not who I knew them to be.
“At some point in life the world's beauty becomes enough. You don't need to photograph, paint or even remember it. It is enough. No record of it needs to be kept and you don't need someone to share it with or tell it to. When that happens — that letting go — you let go because you can.” Toni Morrison
And even so…I want you to love me as I am now. Each day, I grow in love with my body, my mind, and the ways that I see the world. I often will stand in the mirror and look at my naked body. There are some more wrinkles that didn’t used to be there. Some smile lines that show how often I laugh. I cherish this body that I have. It doesn’t look like it did at 19 that is for *sure*. It’s a good body though. It has taken my whole life to cultivate curiosity about myself. I have learned beautiful truths and ones that feel shameful. Every day I surprise myself, and hopefully others, with who I am becoming. This is part of life. (By the way, I have come a long way with diagnoses concerning autism, etc since I last posted this:)
So love me as I am
this Black autistic flesh
sensitive
inquisitive
big-hearted
grief-filled
humorous
daydreamer
runner
poet
silly
Love me as I am today and every day after.
*Who are you today?*
-For those who don’t know, I help to host two podcasts. On these shows I attempt to cultivate theological curiosity and wonder. Here is the latest one that I recorded with
If you have been blessed by my work and desire to leave me a little tip, please feel free to buy me a coffee. This PhD student thanks yuh! ha.
I listened to the "Black Coffee & Theology" podcast episode you posted, too. It is a beautiful discussion. I think of the Buddhist saying, "The stronger you become, the gentler you will be." 🪷 It takes a lot of inner work/strength to be so vulnerable. Thank you. 💐
"Love me as I am today, and every day after." Really, Robert 🥹❤️?! This was such a good read. Thanks for sharing!