The Image of the Sacred Friend

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24

“Hey man, good to hear your voice. In a few weeks I am moving suddenly…”

“Why don’t I call off work and come help you move?”

“Bro I didn’t call you to ask you to help.”

“I know.”

I have loved many and been loved by many friends throughout my life. If I am honest, the majority of my friendships have left me craving more as I try to discern what is the right place for a relationship that you have chosen with someone who isn’t family and who isn’t a spouse. What is the role of friends in this life that I want to live and how much of my thoughts on this stem from my culture (or my wounds)? When I was a considerably younger man, I was desperate to create some spark of connection with people outside of my home in friendships...anything that could help me feel needed. This desperation for connection led me down a path of selling myself short, devaluing my needs, and ultimately burning my soul out in terms of meaningful/loving relationships. It has taken time, but I have committed myself to doing the internal work of self love and care as well as opening myself to the love that can be gained through generative friendships. Friendships have the potential to be such a boon to us on this side of eternity. Without the constraints of any type of blood tie, friends are those who willingly say yes to co-creating a future of shared vision and mutual thriving with us. 

I offer up the image of the Sacred Friend. Images are powerful tools that help anchor us both to this present reality as well as to hopeful futures. In my mind’s eye this image that I am offering up and constructing is one that is necessary. I see two human beings walking hand in hand out of a dark wood and into the sunlight. Sacred Friends are those whom we are able to be our  true selves with. They offer up a measure of safety that allows for us to take off the superhero cape that we must wear all day in this world and for a moment...we can be just as we are. Vulnerable. Free. Sacred Friends hold our hands even when their own may be quaking from fear. They help walk us right into the light. 

In the beginning of this writing, I share a few lines of a phone call that I had with someone who I have come to think of as a Sacred Friend. This brother has proven time and time again that he is willing to be there for me even when I have nothing to give him in return. His friendship towards me is both heartwarming and triggering. I find myself often closing off because there is no conceivable way that someone could be kind to me without wanting something in return...right? The years have shown that I am wrong. Sacred Friends are consistent. At any rate, as I shared recently with this brother that I was in a fearful situation with an impending move, he stopped me and offered to fly across the country to help me figure it out. I was struck by this offer. He didn’t wait and just started making the plans. Over the next weeks he checked on me and I can honestly say that he showed me the sacredness of friendship. Here was someone who has no legal ties to me but nonetheless fought for a way to show up for me.

I am now on the other side of moving. This Sacred Friend indeed kept his promise. He came with little sleep and spent money on so many things. Hotel rooms. Packing materials. Dinners for us. He drove the majority of the time and when it was all said and done he didn’t complain once and flew home. This is the same brother who came to see me suddenly when I was depressed a few years ago. Without warning he asked me how I was doing. I told him honestly...and the next day he was on a flight. I am weeping as I write these words. I hope to offer up this image of the Sacred Friend not as bragging rights but instead as hope in this season. I could not have made it through such an arduous move without help. I am tapped out financially and physically. My body is hurting. I can say though that having a Sacred Friend to share the load with made it all bearable. I agree wholeheartedly with April Filet in her book The Sacred Pulse; “Friendship is about mutual giving and receiving. Of course, as we go through seasons, there may be times when our friends give us much more than we can give in return.”

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