why softness matters

a restful musing

*André 3000 recently came out with a new album. I love it. It’s an album comprised mostly of his flute playing. As a musician I love it. As a Black man who loves to see evolution in all of its forms, I love it. As a contemplative who is always hungry for resources to aid me in slowing down…I am ecstatic. Perhaps in this older, evolved Black man…I see echoes of myself. And the type of man that I can become. A Black man unafraid to pivot from his position as a talented rapper and delve into his unashamed flute playing. It’s beautiful.

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This weekend I had the privilege to present a talk entitled Softness Can Save Us: A Black Man’s Look at Disability, Religion, and an Ethic of Care. (If ya’ll want me to share parts of this talk sometime…let a brotha know in the comments :) It was invigorating to be surrounded by a wide array of religious scholars from all manner of religious fields as I sought to create an environment where Black disabled men could be honored, understood, and learned from. The truth is that this world is harsh, cruel sometimes beyond belief. Sure, things aren’t ALL bad. There are blessings to be found all over the place if we have time and space to look. However, the forces of cruelty are powerful. Potent.

It is in this place that I regularly meditate and reflect on softness. I talk about softness often because of the cruelty. Because of the racism. Because of the anti-Blackness. Because of misogynoir. Because of ableism. Because of oppression. When I say softness I don’t mean some social media influencer type of softness. One bolstered by capitalistic ideas of self-care. Instead, softness to me points to a full-throated care ethic that revolves around the preciousness of humanity. When I say softness I mean the ways in which we lovingly care for ourselves and for one another. When I say softness I mean the way that we schedule our day. The way that we leave enough space between tasks so that we can breath. When I say softness I have foremost in my mind the care that God has for me as part of the beloved. I want to live in such a way that it is evident that God really loves me. That God is not requiring me to try harder…but softer. I am a soft man living in a hard world. I am learning how to live. Slowly. Surely.

When I die, I hope that my messages on softness resonated with some people. That my work allowed people to “come home to themselves” as Dr. Thema Bryant routinely reminds us. I hope that when people read my work they are able to breathe easier. That they know that they are cherished.

Softness matters to me because it has been restorative and healing. After a life that was predicated upon proving myself, dominating others, and working myself to the bone…softness lifted me. I hope that softness can find you this week as you prepare for work and holidays. I hope that you will give yourself the gift of softness even if others refuse to gift it to you.