Names carry so much power and I strongly believe in choosing a name that fits you best. I never liked my birth name Tyler and often was called Taylor or misgendered. I felt so much more like me when I started going by my middle name Carrington then legally changed it to my first after marriage. It makes my skin crawl to be called Tyler and makes my dimples deep when someone tells me Carrington is a beautiful name. Names matter! Thank you for writing always 🫶🏾
Phew. Growing up as an ESL student I remember allowing teachers and people call me Josephine and spell my name wrong all the time. I got to a place where I started writing Josephine/Josephina on paper. I remember getting home one day, and having my mom tell me that is not my name.
As I continue getting to know me, and removing the names others have placed on me, I'm finding myself. A tender hearted, cry baby, God loving, platano lover, who just wants others to know that they can take up space & be themselves.
This is very powerfully and well said: I have worked diligently to discover who I am, desperate to know myself so completely that the labels of others fall off of me. I demand that you call me by my name. I demand that you understand me as I am and not what you THINK I am.
As a former ESL teacher I am very invested in making sure I call everyone the name they want to be called, and learning to pronounce it correctly. By the time my students reached me at high school, they had experienced so many years of being called unwanted nicknames or having their names mispronounced that when I’d ask them what they wanted to be called, they’d often self-protectively deflect with, “I don’t care.” My experience with teaching was complicated, but one of the things I look back on that I’m proud of is a professional development session I led for the staff at my school on the importance of getting student names right. Names matter immensely!
"As I grew, being defined went beyond my name as people were assertive with what they perceived of me. Many proudly boasted that they didn’t see me as Black."
People *love* to do this when you're black and shy. You are not allowed to have a multi-faceted personality like other people. But what makes you different *is* your personality. They just have trouble seeing past the racism to see it (or sometimes don't want to grow up all together).
Anyways, thank you for sharing your experience, Robert! I honestly didn't realize even people with common names here could experience this. Just this week I started a new job and when I told someone my name—Aliyah—they asked if I had a nickname the kids there could call me. "No."
Robert thank you so much for sharing. I understood exactly what you were saying. The power of a name is so real. And it starts with you correcting people on what they will call you, because if not then people get to say who you are. You then began to create an identity based on what others say about you or call you. I truly can’t thank you enough for sharing this. You got me over here just really thinking about my own journey when it came to my name, my identity.
Our names is our identity of ourselves!! We are all one of a kind and unique.Growing up my name was always misspelled, mispronounced. Even as an adult many still have trouble pronouncing my name. But I take no offense and just make the correction. My name is Chondra…Some may say they don’t like their names and change it, which all personal choices for all. No judgement
I learned at a young age that my last name was Americanized from Von Burkleo to just Burkleo. My first name derived from a book my mother read as a girl in Sweden. Vicki. Not Victoria. My middle name is the same middle name as my father’s (which my grandmother told me he always hated! Me too!!!!) So I always felt like my name should be Victoria Von Burkleo (without a middle name, please). A regal sounding name for a child of the heavenly King. Jesus changed a name to Peter. I reckon that I will know my true name when I am called by him.
What a great post, thank you for sharing. When you mentioned getting called "Bob" I had a little laugh of understanding. I go by Lois, Lois is in fact my middle name, my first name is of Nigerian heritage which my International School teacher (American) could not pronounce. Over the years I have grown to really love the name Lois, and I do see it as my name. However, there is a current celebrity out right now, from The Bear, who is shinning. Her first name resembles mine. I am so happy to hear people, announcers and her co-stars manage to pronounce her name effortlessly. A sign to the teacher who couldn't pronounce mine or even shorten it to pronounce. While I embrace Lois (which is my legal name, too) I also am honored to have my first name as well, and I made sure to include it on my Facebook as my first name. A lot of my life has been spoken for me, so this message is definitely one I will re-read, ponder on and digest!
The power of a name, and of knowing who you are! There are so many musings and meditations about names and what they mean. I've written a few as well. I am looking forward to reading your piece about you as your father's son. Thank you always for sharing so openly here. I learn so much and feel so seen.
Thank you... I have another one coming but the publication (which is not here but through a journal) has been slow. I am challenging myself to be patient lol.
“I’m also evolving every day so the man that I am today may not be the man that you knew a week ago. I’m proud of that.”
It’s been a beautifully challenging journey of understanding who I am, outside of who I’d like to be and how others perceive me, while navigating who I becoming.
Yes.. YES! I internally, and sometimes externally cringe when someone who has just met me, or does not know me well opens with “Hey, Ash!” Ugh. No, I’m Ashleigh.
Names carry so much power and I strongly believe in choosing a name that fits you best. I never liked my birth name Tyler and often was called Taylor or misgendered. I felt so much more like me when I started going by my middle name Carrington then legally changed it to my first after marriage. It makes my skin crawl to be called Tyler and makes my dimples deep when someone tells me Carrington is a beautiful name. Names matter! Thank you for writing always 🫶🏾
Thank you for sharing and hello Carrington 👋🏾
Phew. Growing up as an ESL student I remember allowing teachers and people call me Josephine and spell my name wrong all the time. I got to a place where I started writing Josephine/Josephina on paper. I remember getting home one day, and having my mom tell me that is not my name.
As I continue getting to know me, and removing the names others have placed on me, I'm finding myself. A tender hearted, cry baby, God loving, platano lover, who just wants others to know that they can take up space & be themselves.
Thank you for this beautiful read Robert.
I am glad for your own self discovery and agency. You get to show who you are and that’s beautiful
🥹🥲 It truly is beautiful. Remembering that we have a choice to show who we are or allow others to define us; it's up to us.
This is very powerfully and well said: I have worked diligently to discover who I am, desperate to know myself so completely that the labels of others fall off of me. I demand that you call me by my name. I demand that you understand me as I am and not what you THINK I am.
Yes. Someone needs to write about the journey to get here. It’s beautiful. Well on this end
As a former ESL teacher I am very invested in making sure I call everyone the name they want to be called, and learning to pronounce it correctly. By the time my students reached me at high school, they had experienced so many years of being called unwanted nicknames or having their names mispronounced that when I’d ask them what they wanted to be called, they’d often self-protectively deflect with, “I don’t care.” My experience with teaching was complicated, but one of the things I look back on that I’m proud of is a professional development session I led for the staff at my school on the importance of getting student names right. Names matter immensely!
They do matter! Thank you
thank you for your reflection. it brings me back to this poem (familiar with it?)
https://plumvillage.org/articles/please-call-me-by-my-true-names-song-poem
"As I grew, being defined went beyond my name as people were assertive with what they perceived of me. Many proudly boasted that they didn’t see me as Black."
People *love* to do this when you're black and shy. You are not allowed to have a multi-faceted personality like other people. But what makes you different *is* your personality. They just have trouble seeing past the racism to see it (or sometimes don't want to grow up all together).
Anyways, thank you for sharing your experience, Robert! I honestly didn't realize even people with common names here could experience this. Just this week I started a new job and when I told someone my name—Aliyah—they asked if I had a nickname the kids there could call me. "No."
You’re so right and thank you for sharing your story too
Robert thank you so much for sharing. I understood exactly what you were saying. The power of a name is so real. And it starts with you correcting people on what they will call you, because if not then people get to say who you are. You then began to create an identity based on what others say about you or call you. I truly can’t thank you enough for sharing this. You got me over here just really thinking about my own journey when it came to my name, my identity.
Aww I love this!!
Our names is our identity of ourselves!! We are all one of a kind and unique.Growing up my name was always misspelled, mispronounced. Even as an adult many still have trouble pronouncing my name. But I take no offense and just make the correction. My name is Chondra…Some may say they don’t like their names and change it, which all personal choices for all. No judgement
♥️
I learned at a young age that my last name was Americanized from Von Burkleo to just Burkleo. My first name derived from a book my mother read as a girl in Sweden. Vicki. Not Victoria. My middle name is the same middle name as my father’s (which my grandmother told me he always hated! Me too!!!!) So I always felt like my name should be Victoria Von Burkleo (without a middle name, please). A regal sounding name for a child of the heavenly King. Jesus changed a name to Peter. I reckon that I will know my true name when I am called by him.
♥️
What a great post, thank you for sharing. When you mentioned getting called "Bob" I had a little laugh of understanding. I go by Lois, Lois is in fact my middle name, my first name is of Nigerian heritage which my International School teacher (American) could not pronounce. Over the years I have grown to really love the name Lois, and I do see it as my name. However, there is a current celebrity out right now, from The Bear, who is shinning. Her first name resembles mine. I am so happy to hear people, announcers and her co-stars manage to pronounce her name effortlessly. A sign to the teacher who couldn't pronounce mine or even shorten it to pronounce. While I embrace Lois (which is my legal name, too) I also am honored to have my first name as well, and I made sure to include it on my Facebook as my first name. A lot of my life has been spoken for me, so this message is definitely one I will re-read, ponder on and digest!
Thank you. I’m glad for what you’re discovering about yourself and what you desire
The power of a name, and of knowing who you are! There are so many musings and meditations about names and what they mean. I've written a few as well. I am looking forward to reading your piece about you as your father's son. Thank you always for sharing so openly here. I learn so much and feel so seen.
Yes you have such a beautiful and brilliant aspect on this topic
Thank you... I have another one coming but the publication (which is not here but through a journal) has been slow. I am challenging myself to be patient lol.
Love this!
“I’m also evolving every day so the man that I am today may not be the man that you knew a week ago. I’m proud of that.”
It’s been a beautifully challenging journey of understanding who I am, outside of who I’d like to be and how others perceive me, while navigating who I becoming.
Thanks for the awesome post!
Yes.. YES! I internally, and sometimes externally cringe when someone who has just met me, or does not know me well opens with “Hey, Ash!” Ugh. No, I’m Ashleigh.
Thank you for sharing!
Isn’t it wild when people meet you and shorten your name? “Hey Rob!” Umm. Do we know each other 🤣
Names are SUPER important. We talk about them on Pilgrimage a lot. The day Jesus gave me a nickname was 😭