savoring a moment

a restful musing

Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash

*Good morning everyone. Welcome to all the new people who have subscribed in the past few weeks. I write a few times a week, but always try and give ya’ll a restful musing on Sunday to give you something to snack on for the week. I wanted to first start off by thanking so many who have sent me words of comfort and encouragement over the past few weeks as I have navigated two surgeries, a death in my family, and the pent up stress of trying to complete my first year of a PhD program. (Just a few more weeks…phew.) It isn’t lost on me the kindness and intentionality it takes to share a few words to lift someone’s head. I’m also doubly grateful that I haven’t had to wade through toxic positivity or sermons related to grief. My God. Also thank you to all who have bought me a coffee. Ya’ll are amazing.*

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“I’m a savoring &*^ #@!$@.”-me

I make it my aim every day to not rush. I try to wake up around 430am every day not because I am a productive influencer, or to flex my hyper spirituality, but because I need space in my day to breathe and be. I suppose this could be accomplished at night, but I start getting sleepy at around 430pm…there is no hope for me in trying to establish life on the back end of the day.

And so…I savor.

I think.

I write lines of poetry in the hopes of creating a better imagination.

Props to you if you know me well enough to figure out my quote above. I said it as I was conversing with some friends about why I read books so slow. As a child, I was ravenous to finish a book, blowing through each page at an impressive rate. These days, I linger on each page of books that I enjoy. (If I don’t enjoy a book I quickly abandon it.) I linger because it is my hope that I can sit with quality over quantity. I’m not anxious to leave the worlds that authors create. I linger to allow myself time to process and reflect. I linger to argue with the author. I linger to tell them I could’ve written better. I linger to take back that statement as they show me why they got the book contract over me. Lingering helps me enjoy because I’m not being graded on this. There is no personal pan pizza to be awarded at the end of this book. Ha. I want to be clear here that the ways that I enjoy books aren’t supposed to be universal. If you are a fast reader…go head with ya bad self. Do what you love, just do it with your whole heart.

There is so much life that is happening all around us and rushing from thing to thing has the distinct ability to diminish our vision of beauty. I know that I write about this all of the time and I am sure at this point I sound like a broken record. But, I still need the lesson…so I’m going to write about it. I have long ago lost the temptation to be new and edgy with what I write about and instead write about those things that I am actively working towards.

Today I am savoring memories gone by.

I want to share a memory with you that has been sitting with me powerfully the past few days as I have been wonderfully inundated with pictures of people graduating, being admitted to college programs, and celebrating other accomplishments. A few years ago I got my Masters degree and went back to Chicago to celebrate with friends. What a full circle moment for me. When I grew up in Chicago I was poor, depressed, and unable to see a future that included my happiness. One night we all went out to Giordano’s and when the restaurant found out that I got a degree…the place erupted as complete strangers turned to congratulate me. That night was the most celebrated I have ever felt in my life. I felt proud to be Black and a graduate. Some of the staff came to congratulate me and as I walked to the restroom, still others told me what an inspiration I was. I will never forget that moment ever. May I never be so focused on what is to come that I forget the past moments that have made me who I am today.