the seated place of Toni Morrison
a restful musing on self-recovery
*Good morning beautiful people. This is the third installation in what I meant to be a nice tidy post of what it means to come home to oneself, to recover oneself in the pressures that our time affords us. You can find part one here and part two here. Please let me know how this is resonating with you. Yes that includes you beautiful lurkers who I so love. No pressure. :) I just love to hear from ya’ll. The groundwork for this series comes from the transformative work of bell hooks, Dr. Thema Bryant, Toni Morrison and more. (Henri Nouwen is also a pleasant companion for me as I write.) Today’s post continues the path of self-recovery and finding/making home by following the path to “take a seat.” Bless you as you do the work to daily and weekly and yearly come home to yourself.*
“She is a friend of my mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.”
― Toni Morrison
In July, I began a focus on the work that Toni Morrison put out into the world. Though I have read some of it and been impacted, I wanted to hover for awhile. Rest for awhile. In her words and in her thoughts. She has always been a beautiful inspiration for me, a light on top of the highest hill so I thought I would embark on a month long journey with her through her words. Well. One month has turned into two. Phew. As I think about what it means to recover oneself amidst the noise, I felt pulled to the work of ebonjanice in her prolific work All the Black Girls Are Activists. If you know me personally, you know how much this book has helped to gather me, shape me, hold my griefs…and allow me time for myself. Inside this beautiful book she writes a chapter “In Pursuit of Softness”1 and in one part of it she describes at length “The Seat of Toni.” I can see these words in my mind and so I call upon the imagery of it now for this restful musing.
“I always describe it as ‘a soft place from which Toni Morrison, fully seated in herself, stayed ready to tell hard truths while remaining regulated in her nervous system.”2
Toni Morrison was a queen at being able to face implicit and explicit racism, misogynoir, and ignorance, all while possessing a clarity of self and purpose. I am in awe of the way she remained “seated in herself.” Take for example a famous interview she did where she was challenged by a white woman about why she doesn’t center white people/the white gaze in her work.3 The determination and clarity is a sermon/an essay/a memoir/a sacred text. She knew what her work was and what it was not. She could remain comfortable because of a strong conviction and life lessons we will never know. Please watch it. Sit with it. See the sacred belonging that Toni Morrison exudes:
I am not Toni Morrison.
I get triggered when people misunderstand me. A boiling fire and a raging torrent threaten to erupt when people insert their own fears into my words. Ascribing definitions to things that I consider to be rudimentary. I said what I said. No, I’m not angry. Did I tell you that? Is your fear of the unknown so deep that you resort to the violence of colonizing me? Letting shackles slither down my limbs until I am what you desire? I get triggered when people don’t listen well and this triggering has led me often to fight for myself. To leave my sacred seat…my seat of belonging.
I pause here to say that sometimes being seated may present itself in different ways. Whispering our intentions can be effective, but so can a shout. Sometimes telling people to hush can be a self-recovery tool. The reason I point to ebonyjanice’s work is that she paints a picture that is expansive. The truth is that it takes such effort and grace to become seated. To know oneself deeply. Yes, sometimes there is violence on the journey to become seated. I think of my own turmoil. The heartaches I’ve sustained. Foolish decisions I’ve made. All of that has been a part of my journey. These days I try to remain clear about what I want and what I don’t want. I refuse arguments because they pull my nervous system in a direction that I don’t enjoy. I’m learning.
It is here I must name
and so many others that aid me in this self-recovery process. Finding one’s sacred seat isn’t an individual affair exclusively, but instead is found through a communal care ethic. I also have to name new book of poetry that…it gets me. It helps me.
*Thank you all so much for the ways you have engaged with me. If you desire, one way that you can support me is by buying me a coffee. This PhD student appreciates you :)
I often call
my colleage in softness and this chapter on softness felt like such a beautiful work that describes some of how I orient myself to the world and how I perceive Rose and others. Whew it is good.p. 32
I know I’m a heathen because the question still angers me and causes my blood pressure to rise. Phew.
the sitting with oneself and the returning self seem to be the direction my heart and soul want to take with me. and even in being still while reading this piece, it touched a part of me that's been screaming to be let out. the part that sits and sings and dances with words. i think it's time. also, this was beautifully written.
The idea of being fully seated has been with me since my reading of ebonyjanice’s book early this year. (I would love to share more on it privately)
The poise of Toni Morrison is an inspiring force to this day. I long for that clarity of purpose.
Thank you for sharing your reflection. 🖤