when love liberates and binds
“If you need permission to go, I liberate you. Love liberates. It doesn't bind. Love says, I love you. I love you if you're in China. I love you if you're across town. I love you if you're in Harlem. I love you.” Maya Angelou
The process of making peace with grief has naturally turned me to understanding love. I had no idea when grief shattered me and continued to shatter me that it was in any way connected to love. I wondered why I had never witnessed others grieve in any demonstrable way. I have watched my father receive devastating news and proceed to live life seemingly unphased. Going on this quest hasn’t been easy, but I have learned that:
"Grief is a journey, you know? I understand that grief is love that has no place to go." Regina King
The things I have grieved are markers of those things and people that I have loved. I write about grief quite a bit because I have found such unhelpful resources on the topic, particularly by Christians. (don’t come for me…) I continue to search for companions on this journey of life in the form of books to help ground me and cause me to expand. And I write about love, knowing that the strands that bind love and grief to one another are intricate and deep.
A helpful companion in this loving, grief work has been bell hooks. Specifically her book All About Love. In it she flows almost effortlessly from chapter to chapter illuminating all aspects of love. She confronts lovelessness. She confronts the ways we shut ourself off from the generative flow of love. She combats the binary thinking that many place between romantic love and the love that can be shared between friends, children, etc. bell hooks has been a companion in my grief work. Her words have guided me towards areas of love and lovingkindness that I will forever be grateful for.1