I’ve been thinking for a long time about that Ginsburg line: the best minds of my generation… etc.
I’ve been thinking about it like I want to write a poem or essay with it but I haven’t quite been able to work it in yet.
The women are left out of that poem but also this.
The neurodivergents most burning themselves out at mediocre jobs for mediocre pay. Crying ourselves to sleep because we can’t do one more day.
All the mothers (still statistically mostly mothers) doing the full time work and the family emotional labor and admin labor.
All the folks in an appease nervous system state literally putting everyone before themselves. Not even knowing what their needs are. Not even really knowing the ways in which they aren’t tending to themselves.
Sorry this is getting to be extra. Many walk around wearing busy like a badge of honor while shoving down trauma and pain. I’m just not even capable of playing that game anymore. But admittedly I have found it complicated and slow to bring ease and softness into my life consistently. Release the old mental and nervous system patterns and expectations. Oof. Thank you.
I love being on the same page with people. I often feel like I’m out here talking at the wall. But now that I’ve seen the path, I can’t do it the other way. <3 but I have it’s like I’ve had to get over the feeling like everyone’s going to think I’m batshit crazy. I mean I’m sure my family think I’m, I don’t know. I’m caring less and less. But it’s been a hurdle. I know how they talk about one of my elder cousins who lives alternatively and worse, was approved for disability. Something I clearly need as I have no income and am unable to work but don’t know how to get. So. There’s that.
I resonate with this so deeply in this season as I grieve the loss of my Daddy. I am ready to say when someone safe asks me how I am doing, I am not okay. Instead of fearing their reaction, I will just observe it and move forward accordingly.
Robert...I just posted a Substack about resilience and how it can be learned, yada yada yada. I just read this and I was like "Wait! Can I delete that one?" I know how I feel (after enduring a lot of trauma and loss) when someone says to me, "You're so resilient!" I want to stop them and say, "No! I'm in literal hell right now...please help me!" I never associated it with marginalized people. My privilege is showing. Thanks for this, Robert!
Aww I love this. You’re so right though. It can be learned! And. The world shouldn’t be the way that it is that makes our tough necessary. Thank you for reading and thinking with me
I clicked on "here" and read your powerful essay on disability (and the author's response). As a mom of a daughter frequently referred to as "less than" by people who didn't even know her, your essay churned up so much 'stuff.' Your ...Resilient No Mo' essay also really dragged me back to a 2011 flood that wipped out a few nearby communities and severely impacted many more. Communities the preschool I work for serves. A lot to process this morning. Thank you for this.
I took, never gave this word much thought until this morning. Now I see how it applies in many ways which never occurred to me. This is why I enjoy this part of my Sunday morning so much. You give me new perspectives which open my heart to possibilities. I have so much to say, but I'll let it rest here.
Oof do you make sense to me. And help me better understand my level
of privilege, putting me right at the top. Not because I have such a soft life that perseverance, flexibility, inner drive aren’t needed on a regular basis, but that they are in high demand. Continually enough that the “r” word still holds a solid place in my list of positive attributes. I definitely don’t want a soft life, believing that struggle is a critical component of being fully alive and human. But there needs to be a payoff, a relief or reward for struggle. I am thoroughly convinced that “resilience” is thrown around too easily too often like “courage,” “justice,” “integrity,” etc. I love these words and concepts, but don’t love how they are showered around in ways that erode their meaning. I hope that the need for resilience in your life and thinking will fade rapidly, enough that you bask thoroughly in deliciously soft times, but that the softness is also disrupted enough that you always know and feel your strength, power and purpose. It’s what Robert the Contemplative and everyone deserves.
With your permission, I would like to quote you in my email signature. It's a small thing, but I include a quote with my professional email signature to bring attention to issues of social justice and anti-oppression.
"Calling someone resilient while not even attempting to dismantle the systems that are burdening them is the finest of cruelty." ~ Robert Monson, PhD Candidate
I appreciate your post. I’m a bounce back champion. But, after reading it, I am thinking I’m going to aim for a soft life.
Whew yes. I’ve bounced back from so much. I’m proud of that. I don’t want to be tough though. I want the world to be a gentle place for you and for me
I’ve been thinking for a long time about that Ginsburg line: the best minds of my generation… etc.
I’ve been thinking about it like I want to write a poem or essay with it but I haven’t quite been able to work it in yet.
The women are left out of that poem but also this.
The neurodivergents most burning themselves out at mediocre jobs for mediocre pay. Crying ourselves to sleep because we can’t do one more day.
All the mothers (still statistically mostly mothers) doing the full time work and the family emotional labor and admin labor.
All the folks in an appease nervous system state literally putting everyone before themselves. Not even knowing what their needs are. Not even really knowing the ways in which they aren’t tending to themselves.
Sorry this is getting to be extra. Many walk around wearing busy like a badge of honor while shoving down trauma and pain. I’m just not even capable of playing that game anymore. But admittedly I have found it complicated and slow to bring ease and softness into my life consistently. Release the old mental and nervous system patterns and expectations. Oof. Thank you.
I appreciate the extra. Thank you for these words
I love being on the same page with people. I often feel like I’m out here talking at the wall. But now that I’ve seen the path, I can’t do it the other way. <3 but I have it’s like I’ve had to get over the feeling like everyone’s going to think I’m batshit crazy. I mean I’m sure my family think I’m, I don’t know. I’m caring less and less. But it’s been a hurdle. I know how they talk about one of my elder cousins who lives alternatively and worse, was approved for disability. Something I clearly need as I have no income and am unable to work but don’t know how to get. So. There’s that.
That remembering quote!!!!! I’m in so many tears.
Aww ♥️
I resonate with this so deeply in this season as I grieve the loss of my Daddy. I am ready to say when someone safe asks me how I am doing, I am not okay. Instead of fearing their reaction, I will just observe it and move forward accordingly.
I am so so sorry for your loss
Thank you so much. I appreciate you.
Robert...I just posted a Substack about resilience and how it can be learned, yada yada yada. I just read this and I was like "Wait! Can I delete that one?" I know how I feel (after enduring a lot of trauma and loss) when someone says to me, "You're so resilient!" I want to stop them and say, "No! I'm in literal hell right now...please help me!" I never associated it with marginalized people. My privilege is showing. Thanks for this, Robert!
Aww I love this. You’re so right though. It can be learned! And. The world shouldn’t be the way that it is that makes our tough necessary. Thank you for reading and thinking with me
Read your excellent review of Grant's new book. Thank you for posting it.
Aww thank you!
Wow...brilliant.
🙏🏾
I clicked on "here" and read your powerful essay on disability (and the author's response). As a mom of a daughter frequently referred to as "less than" by people who didn't even know her, your essay churned up so much 'stuff.' Your ...Resilient No Mo' essay also really dragged me back to a 2011 flood that wipped out a few nearby communities and severely impacted many more. Communities the preschool I work for serves. A lot to process this morning. Thank you for this.
Thank you for reading both essays and sharing your thoughts 🙏🏾
I took, never gave this word much thought until this morning. Now I see how it applies in many ways which never occurred to me. This is why I enjoy this part of my Sunday morning so much. You give me new perspectives which open my heart to possibilities. I have so much to say, but I'll let it rest here.
Thank you for lingering and thinking with my posts
I too have moved away from the word resilient for many of the same reasons. May your life be soft, Robert, and you - may you be came wholy and Loved.
Thank you friend
Oof do you make sense to me. And help me better understand my level
of privilege, putting me right at the top. Not because I have such a soft life that perseverance, flexibility, inner drive aren’t needed on a regular basis, but that they are in high demand. Continually enough that the “r” word still holds a solid place in my list of positive attributes. I definitely don’t want a soft life, believing that struggle is a critical component of being fully alive and human. But there needs to be a payoff, a relief or reward for struggle. I am thoroughly convinced that “resilience” is thrown around too easily too often like “courage,” “justice,” “integrity,” etc. I love these words and concepts, but don’t love how they are showered around in ways that erode their meaning. I hope that the need for resilience in your life and thinking will fade rapidly, enough that you bask thoroughly in deliciously soft times, but that the softness is also disrupted enough that you always know and feel your strength, power and purpose. It’s what Robert the Contemplative and everyone deserves.
If you have a moment, here’s a note that better describes the balance I mean;https://substack.com/@louj1/note/c-86318408?r=270xom&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action
Now… more people should actually understand… and put help in action. Thank you for this!
With your permission, I would like to quote you in my email signature. It's a small thing, but I include a quote with my professional email signature to bring attention to issues of social justice and anti-oppression.
"Calling someone resilient while not even attempting to dismantle the systems that are burdening them is the finest of cruelty." ~ Robert Monson, PhD Candidate
I wrote a poem about the high cost of resilience.
Ooh
Yeah me too, a new perspective for me on the meaning of the word. Thank you
I’m with Meiko on this; you had me at the Lucille Clifton quote and I’m reminded that I she’s on my list of people I MUST READ.
Thank you for your insights each and every time you post.